Review from Los Angeles, U.S.A

என்னுடைய திரைக்கதைக்கு BlueCat Internaltional, Los Angeles, U.S.A விலிருந்து வந்துள்ள விமர்சனம்.

விரிவாக:

Archive #4405

Mafia Climates

Reader #8071

What did you like about this script? (Major Plus Points of the script)

MAFIA CLIMATES in an interesting crime script that takes place in Mexico and Columbia. The author does a great job of keeping the script moving at a brisk and even pace without getting bogged down in exposition. That’s very hard in a script this complex.

The script has a nice, strong focus on plot. This makes the script a fun challenge to follow. The script is intense and highly visual, placing an emphasis on fast-paced action and viscerally impactful sequences. 

The action is very viscerally described, especially the death of Rafael. The violence is impactful thanks to the author’s description. We can really feel how upset everyone is about this death, especially Luca.

The ending is a nice touch. Ultimately, things work out well enough even though there is a lot of bloodshed on the way. While we don’t think that life is going to be easy and peachy for our cast of characters forever, we do get the sense that everything will be alright for now. This is a surprisingly upbeat and hopeful ending for such a dark and twisted narrative. The setting is beautiful and Ramiro and Jazzlyn have each other.

Ultimately, MAFIA CLIMATES reveals itself to be a visceral and intense script with a sprawling and ambitious narrative. This is a fast-paced crime epic that doesn’t let up from beginning to end. 

What do you think needs work? (Things need to be change)

It’s hard to keep track of all of the characters in this script. It may be a good idea to cut some of the characters out of the script entirely and focus more on others. For example, Erica does accomplish things, but Jazzlyn is the more interesting character because of her relationship with Ramiro. The author should consider cutting Erica out and giving more development to Jazzlyn.

The montage sequences feel out of place in the script. Most of the few sequences just repeat action that we have already seen in order to explain what happened to another character that doesn’t know. This is not necessary. The audience doesn’t need rehash, but they will be interested to see other character’s reactions to information. Just give enough so that they know what information is being relayed. The haunted house montage is the most out of place. 

The story of the haunted film production is another story entirely. It’s an interesting one, but it doesn’t fit in with this story.

So Singara Velan,

Please change the above things in your script and send back to us immediately. Because you script is a nice, fast-paced crime epic with only minor mistakes. 

All the best.

Sincerely, 

Gordy Hoffman
BlueCat Screenplay Competition,

U.S.A